We are almost to Thanksgiving. A time when we should stop and remember all the blessings that we have, all that we have to be thankful for....gee, that really should be everyday shouldn't it?
I have been doing foreclosure and loss mitigation counseling for people who are past due, in default, and facing possible foreclosure on their homes for a non-profit agency. There is no charge to the client for this (more about this issue in another blog), the funding comes from grants. The number of people in trouble is very troubling, and it is getting worse, not better at present. There are some very touching stories among them, and since this month has both Veteran's Day and Thanksgiving I think one story is very pertinent.
I met with Joe the other day. Joe is a Vietnam veteran, a veteran of the Gulf War, and just returned from his third tour of duty in Afghanistan as a reservist for the Air Force in June. He was discharged in September. His wife and he live in the metro Atlanta area, she does work for a day care facility, and he has been searching for work since his return, to this point, with no success. As a result they have fallen past due on their mortgage and are struggling to make ends meet.
Joe is very concerned, is trying to do whatever he can to make some money, and, in his words, feels as if he is "drowning". Falling further behind without knowing what to do. I am fairly certain that we will be able to work something out with the lender and that he and his wife will not have to lose their home. But the situation itself is a statement on where we are at. Times are troubling.
When we finished our meeting he thanked me for my time and efforts, and we will continue to stay in touch as we try to work out a solution for the problem. I assured him that I had far more to thank him for, as he has done far more for me than I can ever do for him to repay him for his sacrifices.
As Veteran's Day is still in memory I honor him and all like him who have given so much so that we can be free. So that our way of life, our ideals, our freedom to worship, dissent, and vote, is maintained. As Thanksgiving approaches I give thanks to him and those who have kept the many reasons for thanks in place. I give thanks for the blessing of being in a position to help him and his wife, to tell him personally how much I and my family appreciate him.
I pray that we all focus on the many blessings that we have in the people around us, the wonderful life that we have, the love that we can all share, with or without "things", and remember that we can do this, not just on Thursday, but each and every day we live on this earth.
Tell someone today "thanks!". Thanks for just being them. It can make a much greater impact and difference than you might think.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
The Other Side of Things
As we go through life we make many contacts and have many relationships. Some are fleeting, even for an instant, some are for hours, days, months, years, and lifetimes. We often go through life with an outlook of inside out. By that I mean we look at things from our own perspective, whatever that may be, overall, that moment, that year, that lifetime. As a result it often becomes a one sided relationship. Certainly in some cases we are very attuned to the other person and their feelings and, in close relationships, to their viewpoint, their past, and their current situation. Whether we place much importance on it is another matter.
I didn't have a very good relationship with my father, which is a very long story. When I went to his funeral it was like going to that of a stranger which, in reality, it was. My family had been through a lot. My older brother had died when I was seven of leukemia, my younger brother had/has Crohn's disease, my mother died of a brain hemorrhage and, in between my brother and mother, three of my grandparents passed away. After my brother died my dad didn't pay much attention to me or my brother and sister and after my mother died the relationship was worse if anything.
I had a very bitter feeling toward my father. I didn't really have any relationship with him at all to speak of. We probably saw each other over the years maybe less than a handfull of times. I maintained my bitterness and hard feelings toward him and felt very justified in doing so for a lot of reasons. I could go into a lot of detail but that would fill a book which, someday, I hope to get accomplished. But for the sake of a short (kind of) post on a blog understand that it was a pretty bad relationship.
I have two boys whom I love very, very much. I always told myself that I would never be like my father was to me. In some ways though I was and I am very disappointed in that. But in the most important one I think I have done o.k. My boys do know that I love them. I told them everyday when they lived with us, and still tell them every time I speak with them. It is not just words, they know that I do. I hug them, and while our relationships have not always been "peachy" I am comfortable that they know how much they mean to me.
Over the years I have learned about looking at things from the outside in, not the other way around. I came to a point of understanding that I needed to look at relationships from the "other side". When I did that with my father I came to some interesting conclusions. I found out that I had never considered what it might have been like for him...when he lost a son. When the family was in disarray because of this. When we had to sell everything and move because my mother could not stand to stay where we were at because of the memories.
What it must have felt like to lose his own father. What could have gone through his mind when the doctors originally thought that my younger brother had leukemia instead of Crohn's. I never considered what his pain was when my mother died in a matter of three days, with two sons still at home. I never looked at these things from the standpoint of a man who was a second generation American of Swedish parents, of a father who was.....a disciplinarian at best and just plain mean at worst. I just looked at things the way I saw them, the way they affected me.
I wish now that I had been smart enough to take some of these things into consideration. Yes, I was just a young boy, and my life had been shattered many times over too, but that doesn't excuse me. Certainly these things don't neccessarily excuse the things my father did or the way he acted either. If I had looked at it from his viewpoint though our relationship might have been better. I could have at least tried. I certainly wish that I had.
My point in all of this is that we need to always remember to look at things from what we know of the other person's perspective. We need to try to walk in thier shoes, if not a mile, then at least a little bit. This goes for the cashier at the fast food restaurant who isn't the most courteous. Maybe they are just mean by nature, but maybe, just maybe, they are having a really bad day. Maybe their child is sick, their lights were turned off, their significant other just left. In our work relationships someone may just be having a bad day, might just have a heartache that we don't know about. Even just a smile might help them at that moment.
Maybe it is someone we know very well, maybe we should ask what's troubling them. Maybe, just maybe, we can help. Even if it just listening. Maybe it is just a smile and the question that will make a small difference in the right way.
Even when someone is happy it is nice to find out what has brightend their day. Take joy in someone else's good fortune as much as you do your own. It well help you learn what makes them happy. It certainly never hurts to brightened by someone else. When you are down yourself it certainly helps to have someone to tell.
God put us here to help one another. In doing so the blessing He gives us in a feeling that is hard to explain. My hope is that we can all start looking at things and people from the outside in, rather than the other way around. It just might make the world a better place for all of us.
I didn't have a very good relationship with my father, which is a very long story. When I went to his funeral it was like going to that of a stranger which, in reality, it was. My family had been through a lot. My older brother had died when I was seven of leukemia, my younger brother had/has Crohn's disease, my mother died of a brain hemorrhage and, in between my brother and mother, three of my grandparents passed away. After my brother died my dad didn't pay much attention to me or my brother and sister and after my mother died the relationship was worse if anything.
I had a very bitter feeling toward my father. I didn't really have any relationship with him at all to speak of. We probably saw each other over the years maybe less than a handfull of times. I maintained my bitterness and hard feelings toward him and felt very justified in doing so for a lot of reasons. I could go into a lot of detail but that would fill a book which, someday, I hope to get accomplished. But for the sake of a short (kind of) post on a blog understand that it was a pretty bad relationship.
I have two boys whom I love very, very much. I always told myself that I would never be like my father was to me. In some ways though I was and I am very disappointed in that. But in the most important one I think I have done o.k. My boys do know that I love them. I told them everyday when they lived with us, and still tell them every time I speak with them. It is not just words, they know that I do. I hug them, and while our relationships have not always been "peachy" I am comfortable that they know how much they mean to me.
Over the years I have learned about looking at things from the outside in, not the other way around. I came to a point of understanding that I needed to look at relationships from the "other side". When I did that with my father I came to some interesting conclusions. I found out that I had never considered what it might have been like for him...when he lost a son. When the family was in disarray because of this. When we had to sell everything and move because my mother could not stand to stay where we were at because of the memories.
What it must have felt like to lose his own father. What could have gone through his mind when the doctors originally thought that my younger brother had leukemia instead of Crohn's. I never considered what his pain was when my mother died in a matter of three days, with two sons still at home. I never looked at these things from the standpoint of a man who was a second generation American of Swedish parents, of a father who was.....a disciplinarian at best and just plain mean at worst. I just looked at things the way I saw them, the way they affected me.
I wish now that I had been smart enough to take some of these things into consideration. Yes, I was just a young boy, and my life had been shattered many times over too, but that doesn't excuse me. Certainly these things don't neccessarily excuse the things my father did or the way he acted either. If I had looked at it from his viewpoint though our relationship might have been better. I could have at least tried. I certainly wish that I had.
My point in all of this is that we need to always remember to look at things from what we know of the other person's perspective. We need to try to walk in thier shoes, if not a mile, then at least a little bit. This goes for the cashier at the fast food restaurant who isn't the most courteous. Maybe they are just mean by nature, but maybe, just maybe, they are having a really bad day. Maybe their child is sick, their lights were turned off, their significant other just left. In our work relationships someone may just be having a bad day, might just have a heartache that we don't know about. Even just a smile might help them at that moment.
Maybe it is someone we know very well, maybe we should ask what's troubling them. Maybe, just maybe, we can help. Even if it just listening. Maybe it is just a smile and the question that will make a small difference in the right way.
Even when someone is happy it is nice to find out what has brightend their day. Take joy in someone else's good fortune as much as you do your own. It well help you learn what makes them happy. It certainly never hurts to brightened by someone else. When you are down yourself it certainly helps to have someone to tell.
God put us here to help one another. In doing so the blessing He gives us in a feeling that is hard to explain. My hope is that we can all start looking at things and people from the outside in, rather than the other way around. It just might make the world a better place for all of us.
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